thiefofvoices: Person w/face painted like a skull, wearing a high-collared jacket that covers their mouth, with a gun on their back (a dead december)
So as a good chunk of you probably already know (unless you are a random internet person who cannot see all my locked posts, in which case, hello random internet person!), I've been working on a webcomic with [personal profile] crows for a little over a year now. And today, with very small fanfare, we actually launched it.

It's over at Mortal Machine dot com. The stuff that's going up right now is the first book, One For Silence.

I'm really excited about it. We've been working on it for awhile now, and it's good to see something start to come of it, though we've got a loooong way to go, in both promoting the project and drumming up some support as well as all the extras we've got planned (right now the site is really barebones) and even just in terms of how long the planned story is.

That long way to go is the point of this post, though. Because in addition to being excited that finally, something is slowly coming of my creative projects, there's also this sort of knot of anxiety and terror about putting something out into the world. What if nobody cares? What if people read it all wrong? What if they laugh at us for the effort?

Here's the thing: that fear is hindering.

No, the art isn't as up to par as I wish it could be. The thing is, even in the ten or so pages we do have done, I've seen a noticeable difference in the quality of our art, in how we understand the way these characters look and move and exist. And, just in general, how anatomy works, and to some extent perspective. And like I said before, we've got a long way to go. We'll get there. A creator's brain is always years ahead of their ability anyway, and it is entirely possible that we have years to go on this. Which, when I think about it in terms of time to grow and learn and prove to myself that yes, I can do this, isn't quite as daunting as it might seem.

There are things about these characters that I'm sure people will take issue with. I may end up accidentally beating people over the head with the aspects of Rowan's character that I think are important to showcase. I might end up too subtle with them, so that people miss them entirely. We might accidentally skip over crucial information in the plot, or it might end up being a little too meandery, despite our editing efforts. The script for this hasn't actually been seen by anyone except us, which is also a little scary. Hell, we're still writing the script right now -- we're about halfway done with the first book -- even as we're drawing the pages and even as the comic's live.

But the thing is, if we let all this stuff stop us, we'd never get anywhere. It might be another year before we got done with the script, and then another five or so before we had everything drawn to exacting standards. Waiting until you're good enough is a damn good way to never do anything at all, as my twenty-some years has taught me. Yes, all this might be some big damn mistake, as my Internal Anxious Sixteen Year Old is screaming at me. But this might also turn out to be awesome and wonderful. And even if it doesn't, it's at least an experience, one that I'm sure we're going to fuck up here and there, and one that I'm absolutely sure we'll learn from.

And given that there's another project after this waiting in the wings (as well as my other collaboration and my umpteen billion personal projects), even if all we get is a learning experience, my life's gonna be richer for it. I just have to remember that in order to get the experience, I have to do the thing in the first place.

All that being said, I'm still hoping for the awesome. And hope that y'all will be on board for the awesome, too. <3
thiefofvoices: Profile of a person with long black hair in a ponytail wearing a high-collared leather jacket, hair obscuring their eyes (Default)
I'm surprised to find that I kind of wish I could go to WisCon. I mean, the first year I went was very iffy for me, as a) I'd just returned from a road trip to New Mexico, which overshadowed the whole event and b) I wasn't established as a writer and felt kind of like I didn't belong there with all the other awesome people. It felt a bit more like 'and here's a few of Rachel Swirsky's students along for the ride' than anything, and made me feel a little silly.

Last year I was just the driver for a few friends (Sam and [personal profile] dokkaebi), and it was much easier. I spent the majority of the time bummin' about on State Street, reading books whilst lounging on the campus/by the lake, going to lunch with people. Snuck into the bar with Jei, Sam and Rachel, snuck into the dealer's room with Jei, snuck into Sarah Prineas's release party for the first Magic Thief book -- I need to get my hands on that, as a side note -- and overall it was easier to exist around the con when I felt like I didn't have to be a Writer with a capital W. Not, by any means, the easiest thing, and I didn't talk to a whole lot of people who weren't Sam or Jei, but I didn't feel like I wasn't supposed to be there anymore (even though technically I wasn't, having no badge).

Then again, I'm not really sure cons are my thing. I like the idea of them, because who wouldn't like the idea of a big get together of people all more or less interested and passionate about the same things? But I'm not good with large groups of people (even if they don't make me anxious enough I have to leave, it's hard to follow conversations with a lot of background noise and cons have a lot of background noise), and I'm iffy on the way the panels are structured, at least the larger ones. I remember really liking the ones I went to, but the ones whose content I remember now are the smaller ones, that seemed more like eight or ten people chatting than three people up in front of a room discussing things for the benefit of the audience.

Possibly next year I'll do the same I did last year, if I have the money to fly up, and hang out with people for the sake of hanging out, be nerdy at people for the sake of that, and try not to feel pressured about the fact that I'm not published and probably won't be for another couple years. Especially if I never finish anything and send it out.

I should get on that. >.>

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thiefofvoices: Profile of a person with long black hair in a ponytail wearing a high-collared leather jacket, hair obscuring their eyes (Default)
Thief [if,not.]

June 2013

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